Never strike your wife - even with a flower. ~Hindu
Proverb
The victims of anger, rage and aggression can
suffer from the stings of verbal assaults or from the
lingering trauma of sexual abuse. Many victims pay the
price with their lives. Such is true with victims of
domestic violence. Crimes of domestic violence remain
frequent. Probation offices throughout the nation have
devoted complete units to handle the heavy domestic
violence caseloads. Law enforcement officers find
domestic violence calls their most unpredictable and
dangerous.
As previously stated, anger is a very selfish
emotion. The aggressor rarely takes time to think about
how their actions affect others. That is why it is now
common for many courts to allow victim impact
statements. A victim impact statement is an open letter
to the court from a victim describing the physical,
financial and emotional pain caused by an aggressor.
Stories of abuse often ring louder when voiced in the
victim’s own words. The following narratives from the
website Healthy Place –Domestic Abuse/Domestic Violence
Stories describe the destruction anger has caused from
the lips of the victim.
I am twenty-nine years old and was married to an
abuser for seven years. The abuse started while we were
dating and carried over into our marriage. I was broken
down emotionally by him and my self esteem was so low
that I allowed him to ridicule me, beat me, rape me and
he even brought me to the point of anorexia through all
of his mental abuse. I weighed 148 when we got married
and by the time I left him I weighed barely 100 lbs. He
would make up songs about my weight,
“fattie-fattie-boom-ba-laddie” was one of them and he
would encourage my son to join in and sing with him. It
was a nightmare!!! The final straw for me was when he
and I had been in our bedroom fighting for over an hour
when I looked over my shoulder and saw my seven year old
son huddled over in a fetal position up against our
bedroom wall, he had heard everything and was pale as a
ghost. It was at that time that I realized I had to get
the hell out, if not for myself for at least my son.
Anel
My boyfriend didn’t start abusing me until eight
months into the relationship. Funny thing was, after he
choked me, busted my lip (twice), punched me in the
ribs, gave me multiple bruising, threw me across the
room, picked me up by my throat and slammed me into the
ground, pinning me down with his knee so I couldn’t
breathe, putting me to sleep with pressure points… He
was never sorry or remorseful and seemed to forget that
he did it, and I always ended up being the bad guy. The
psychotic small girl 
After
all those times the thing that really made me angry was
how he was damaging my body, how ugly I looked with
bruises, how I was sick of being around somebody who was
constantly angry, about nothing. He once threw my phone
in the air and chopped it with a samurai sword when he
thought I was text messaging someone on the phone. He
nearly broke my toe to make me hand the phone over. I
realize now I used to have a sick addiction to having an
over protective boyfriend, because I thought it
reflected how much they cared about me. He was cheating
on me, so I found out afterwards. I realized that I was
too weak just to leave.
Justine
My husband and I have been married 13 years. I am 5′3
and 110 pounds. He is 6′2 and 220 pounds. We have four
beautiful children and he beats me. He was arrested in
2003 for beating me almost to death. I was in the ICU
for 1 month and then remained in the hospital for
another 2 months. I had a broken jaw, 6 fractured ribs,
a ruptured spleen (which had to be removed) a collapsed
lung, over 50 sutures in my head and face. He punched me
until I was to the floor and then kicked me till my ribs
broke, lung punctured, spleen ruptured and until I was
unconscious. He was arrested but 5 months later released
on $3,0 000 bail. He was ordered to attend a court
ordered program and he did attend. He has been living
back at home for a year now and he is starting to punch
me in face, arms and back again. He seems to have
changed in some areas but in others he hasn’t. I don’t
want him to be arrested again because I do love him but
I’m afraid that someone else will tell and have him
arrested. People at work see me beaten up very often and
have questioned me. I just say, “I’m clumsy”. Just so
everyone knows, it does happen to all people. I am a
medical doctor and my husband is a police officer.
Domestic Violence is a crime that spans every race,
culture and socio-economic status. It is hard to believe
someone could abuse an individual they say they love and
live with everyday. It is harder to understand how an
individual can stay around for the abuse year after
year. No one stays in a relationship that is not
beneficial to them. You may ask, “How can a day in and
day out brutal beating benefit anybody?” Well, when
someone feels worthless, they seek out another party to
treat them as if they were worthless. It is the only way
they can validate their own sense of low self-esteem.
Strangely enough, many women who come out of violent
relationships find themselves with another partner who
abuses them. Why? Because they never changed how they
felt about themselves. Many courts now order domestic
violence victims to attend victim classes to teach them
self- worth, independence and boundaries in
relationships.
It is always important to remember that we have
choices. We are not destined to stay in jobs or
relationships that make us angry. Some of the choices
are often difficult. We may love the very thing that is
killing us, but as Tina Turner sang, “What does love got
to do with it?” If you are a victim of domestic violence
or even a perpetrator get help now
www.daybreakservices.com
Shannon Munford
Daybreak Counseling Service
