The Language of Feelings Helps Us with Anger Management

August 25, 2010

There are many types of emotions we feel when we are “angry.” After all anger is a family of many emotions and not just one. Feelings are not right or wrong, they just are! Feelings are intrinsic communications from yourself that help you heal. In the world of anger management therapy there are two ways to distinguish this family of emotions: 1) “The Healing Feelings” and 2) “The Emotional Blocks.” The Healing Feelings are normal, natural and necessary because there is a holistic or healing benefit to why we feel them. If you block your healing feeling you become blocked and being to act or feel one of the emotional blocks which leads to a toxic and negative state. The emotional blocks are usually feelings we act out on others, and our selves. For example, we tend to blame others or ourselves when we block our anger or we tend to act judgmental of others and ourselves when we block our frustration. Therefore in an effort to heal ourselves we must first become conscious of how we are blocked. Once we are able to identify the block then we can allow ourselves to feel the healing feeling and understand the real reason we are feeling this way.

Healing Feeling Holistic Benefit General Feeling Emotional Block
1. Anger Boundary Defense Betrayal Blame
2. Sadness Endings Abandonment Depression
3. Afraid Warning Uncertainty Anxiety
4. Sorrow Grief Powerlessness Indifference
5. Frustration Persistence Dissatisfaction Judgment
6. Disappointment Detachment Discouragement Indecision
7. Worry Preparation Helplessness Procrastination
8. Embarrassment Self-Acceptance Inadequacy Perfectionism
9. Envy Motivation to Change Deprivation Resentment/Jealousy
10. Hurt Self-Awareness Exclusion Self-Pity
11. Fear Beginnings Hopelessness Confusion
12. Shame Remorse Unworthiness Guilt

Adapted by a chart originally create by John Gray

How do I make sense of this chart? I find the best way to begin is to start with the emotional block column because I am usually blocking my healing feeling. For example if I find myself blaming someone for my problem, and I take a look at the far left column under “Healing Feeling” I see that what I am truly feeling is Anger. But why am I feeling angry? For further insight into this question I then take a look at the next column labeled “Holistic Benefit.” There I see that the reason that my intuition is signaling an angry message is to warn me that my boundaries have been violated. To double check these interpretations, I now look to column #3, “General Feeling,” to see if I have been feeling betrayed in any way. Please remember the language of feelings is not an exact science. However, the more you feel your HEALING FEELINGS (left column) the better you will feel and the quicker you will heal! The longer you BLOCK your HEALING FEELINGS with NEGATVE/UNHEALTHY EMOTIONS (right column) the worse you will feel and the longer it will take you to heal. I encourage you to use Language of Feelings Chart frequently to feel your healing feelings and release your unhealthy emotions.

Diana Bonilla
Daybreak Counseling Service
14416 Hamlin St. #107
Van Nuys CA

Shannon Munford

Shannon Munford

Anger Management Expert and Counselor at Daybreak Services

Shannon Munford is an anger management expert and the owner and founder of Daybreak Services, an education center offering anger management classes, counseling, and therapy in Los Angeles, California. His clients consist of members within the entertainment industry as well as corporate America.

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