Men are from Mars. How you boyfriend handles anger.
As a therapist I have learned that men and women are far more different than we think they are. As a Facilitator of anger management classes this truth has become even more evident and can be the cause of many misunderstandings and hostility in relationships.
Recently a group of scientists went so far as to call men and women
“different species” in their world view, their thinking, their behaviors and the way they approach problem solving. Having this information can create more empathy and less personalizing on our side. Many conflicts in relationships and marriages could be avoided by realizing the differences. For example, as a woman I tend to want to “talk” a lot about a problem. Men tend to find this frustrating because they are more apt to want to take an action and “fix” the problem NOW. This doesn’t mean a man is not interested or wants to fight; it is just the way males respond. Simple. Nothing personal.
Men are conditioned in many cases to hold on to their emotions and don’t enjoy discussing “feelings” as many women do. Knowing this, I choose to share my feelings with my women friends. I don’t take it personally that my husband is not up for a 3 – hour discussion. Remember that one person cannot fill all your needs.
Don’t forget your partner’s insecurities. We all have them. Many arguments that spark anger are based on fear. Anger is always a secondary emotion. When we feel less than or inadequate we are apt to deal with anger at another person. Our partners are the obvious victims of our misguided rage.
Good communication reduces many of these misunderstandings and reduces “taking things personally”. When we have the trust and courage to say exactly how we feel, we are less likely to antagonize our partner and damage our relationship with unnecessary anger. “Live and Let Live”
Many Anger Management clients have found that becoming aware of the natural differences between partners creates more empathy and harmony. They come to realize that people do what they do because of who they are –
Not because of who we are.
Daybreak Counseling Service