How can I make my boyfriend or husband take an anger management class

I got a call yesterday from a young lady who wanted some advice. It seems her ex-boyfriend was ordered 52 weeks of anger management classes and he had missed the deadline for enrolling. She wanted to know how she could make him take a class, and she was willing to pay for it. Do you see anything wrong with this picture?

As a business owner I informed her I would gladly take her money but as an adviser I informed her paying for your ex-boyfreind’s anger management course tells me more about your state of mind than your boyfriend’s.

In short you can’t make anyone get help. Learning to deal with their anger has to be a personal, deliberate decision. If the loss of a relationship and a couple of days in jail does not convince them they need help there is not much anyone else can do.

On occassion I am ask to call the individual, the caller asks, (usually female) “Can you talk to him? Maybe you can make him go”. To quote a famous buddhist proverb, “When the student is ready, the teacher will appear”. In other words I am not calling your husband. They need to call me.

Now don’t get me wrong, there are a few things you can do to spark introspection and encourage personal responsiblity.

Don’t stand in the way of natural consequences

If your significant other or teenage child is facing a layoff, criminal charges or expulsion because of their aggressive behavior don’t enable them by standing in the way of these natural consequences. Sometimes the quickest way to healing is the realization that you are in pain.

Set boundaries

When you take a passive stance regarding a loved one’s anger they have no incentive to change. If you are a victim of verbal or physical aggression you must let the perpetrator know through word and deed that their behavior is not acceptable. This may means witholding affection (sex), calling the police, or leaving the relationship all together.

In conclusion one of the best ways to ensure your boyfreind or husband gets help is to make sure you have a firm sense of value of yourself. No one should allow themselves to be exposed to a prolonged dose of bitterness, contempt and aggression. You deserve better.

Daybreak Counseling Service
www.daybreakservices.com
twitter.com/angryinla
www.youtube.com/user/angryinla

Follow us on facebook
310-995-1202