David I’m glad you started out your question by asking “What can I do” because when its all said and done the only thing you can do is control yourself (and sometimes that is even hard to do) You may never be able to control how your girlfriend treats you. She is doing what she does for a reason, maybe it is the only way she learned to communicate, maybe it is how she avoids intimacy because of being hurt in the past. Her behavior and the reason for her behavior is not an excuse, but understanding why she does what she does may help with your urge to “blow up”

Lastly I would recommend an exit plan. If you feel you are loosing control take a time out, leave the situation. You may want to discuss your exit plan with your girlfriend. If she understands you are not running away to get drunk or visit your ex-girlfriend she may be more willing to give you your space. Once you have calmed down, sit down and let her know how her comments make you feel. Avoid expressing the anger, she has seen that. Try to express the pain.

Shannon

Daybreak Counseling Service
http://www.daybreakservices.com
http://twitter.com/angryinla
855-NO ANGER
855-662-6437

Managing your anger does not mean becoming a door mat. There will be times in your life when it is clearly appropriate to use aggression. When someone decides to cross your boundaries and invade your physical space or the space of someone you care about anger is the most rational emotion for that situation. In some situations control aggression may be warranted. Judge for yourself, was Big Willy justified?

Daybreak Counseling Service
Shannon Munford MS
855-662-6437
http://daybreakservices.com

Being apart of Day Break services anger management program has really opened my eyes to anger and anger management. As a wife, mother, student, business owner, and active member of my church, I could feel a change in my reactions to different situations and a change in my levels of stress. Having such a busy schedule and a new baby making me a mommy of 3 is overwhelming at times and my mood and the way I respond seemed to be more aggressive.

As parents our job is never ending at times and things can get quite stressful. What I’ve been learning is that anger is normal and is a part of life and that handling anger is a challenge for many people. I’m learning the difference between being stressed and being stressed out. Stress is just a bodily response to life demands. When stress gets to a point where we find it hard to cope and become too overwhelmed we can enter into a state of being stressed out. Being stressed out can cause so many problems for our bodies, emotionally, medically, and physically. As a wife and mom of 3 I don’t need anymore extra things to take care of so being stressed out is out of the question. I went immediately home after class and started writing things out.

Recognizing the signs is the first step to dealing with stress. Because of the information and understanding of my own behaviors and emotions I can begin to make changes in my life to decrease some of my stress, which is step 2. Now that I understand more of what is causing my aggression and learning how to communicate my emotions to the people around me so that I am not as aggressive has made handling my daily life more manageable.

Just in the last two weeks the information and helpful tools have helped not only me, but my family as well. I’m teaching my kids how to handle anger by handling my own anger properly. I thought that anger management was mainly for people who couldn’t control their anger and I now see that anger management is for everyone. Knowing how to respond to anger and how to understand your own behaviors and emotions is very beneficial.

Crystal Payton -Wilson Gee, Intern
Daybreak Counseling Service
http://daybreakservices.com

My anger is pushing my family away. How can I change my self to keep my family?They mean the world to me.

Answer:

Invest! If you want to save your marriage and your family you have to invest. During the great recession of 2008 many companies were faced with a choice to either throw in the towel, file for bankruptcy our reinvent themselves. They could no longer afford to carry the financial burden of hundreds of employees, so lay-offs began and the companies that survived began to invest in their infrastructure, they bought cost saving machinery, they revised their business plans, they hired consultants and emerged even stronger than they were before.

We so often invest in our education by spending thousands of dollars at instututions of higher education. We invest in our careers by spending hours working on a job but when we are asked to come up with a couple of hundred dollars and a couple of hours a week to save a relationship we say, “I don’t have that kind of time or the money.” I think its a matter of priority. Find an anger management class and/ or a marriage counselor near you. Invest in you and your family. You will find the rewards will not only benefit you but your children and grandchildren to come.

Shannon Munford
Daybreak Counseling Service
http://daybreakservices.com
855-662-6437

Your thoughts have everything to do with your anger and your thoughts are going to help you understand the dynamics of your anger. When you encounter an episode or escalate in response to a situation or person, take time to figure out what is causing the escalation by asking yourself a series of questions. What is triggering me? Why am I really getting angry? Am I trying to control an uncontrollable situation/person? What am I really feeling? Reflect on the situation, explore other feelings that are coming to the surface and become aware of your thought process as well as physical reactions. When we start becoming more aware of what escalates us, we can use this to not only plan ahead, but to also learn how to cope more adaptively in the future. For example, if you find that high stress causes your anger to escalate, find other ways to lower your stress. If you learn that feelings of rejection trigger your anger, talk about your feelings with someone through assertive communication. Either way, when you become aware of the dynamics of your anger, it makes it that much easier to manage it. Every time you experience an angry episode you should reflect on it and gain more insight into yourself.

I have had several students in my anger management class tell me their anger issues have subsided by just coming to classes and admitting (beginning of awareness) their anger has caused problems. When they develop this self awareness into their anger, they tend to find themselves no longer having major anger problems. Remember, anger management is not about getting rid of your anger, but being able to manage it so it is no longer a problem in your life. Work to gain insight into yourself and develop that self awareness. When you do this, it makes using other anger management tools much easier.

Daybreak Counseling Service is an provider of anger management classes and an publisher of anger management techniques shared through out the nation. Its owner Shannon Munford has appeared on several national television shows speaking on the subject of anger and anger management. He is a sought out speaker and anger management expert. For more information on speaking engagements or private executive coaching pleas call 855-662-6437 or visit http://daybreakservices.com

Hi Noemi:

You do not need medical insurance to take an anger management class. In fact many anger management course do not take insurance. Anger Management is considered education rather psychotherapy so it not covered by most insurance plans.

Shannon Munford
Daybreak Counseling Service
855-662-6437

www.daybreakservices.com

Ask Shannon: Mr. Munford,
Have you considered expanding your Anger Counseling Services outside of California, such as starting a branch here in Rochester New York?

Answer: Of course we have made plans to expand to New York. We are just waiting for the right time.

No more Blaming!

Our bad behavior is just that—OUR bad behavior. It truly does not matter what other people do. If we make a choice to react poorly then we have to take blame for it. We do not have the right to use the excuse that “they made me….” This is just a fact. There is no debating that we make our own choices and we ultimately are in control of our behavior.

The damage is done!

When I think about people apologizing, I am continually reminded that the damage from the bad behavior has already been done. Recently in the news there was a report about a teacher that had her children crumble a piece of paper as hard as each student could. Afterwards, she instructed the students to un-crumble the paper to the best of their ability and “to apologize to the paper.” After her students un-crumbled and tried to flatten, the lessen was clear—No matter what you do, the damage is still there!

At some point of our lives it will be helpful and necessary to take responsibility for all of our actions. We have to know that we do not get to be jerks; then apologize and everything will be perfect; this is not reality! The people on the reality shows are paid to be friends and/or enemies. This is not the real world. When we do not think about all the consequences before we respond we could potentially enter into a place where we have hurt the people around us.

Shannon Munford the owner of Daybreak Counseling Service knows a little about reality shows. He has appeared on MTV Real World Hollywood, Keeping up with the Kardashians, The Dr. Phil Show and more. If anger has become a real problem in your relationships or work feel free to call us at 855-662-6437 or visit http://daybreakservices.com

Bill came in voluntarily because he didn’t want his “hostile” relationship with his wife to have a negative effect on his young daughter. He was very upset with himself and his marriage. He eventually acknowledged his angry behavior and was willing to change, both necessary to positive growth.

Bill, like many clients, responded to the feeling of anger just like his father had. He yelled and threw things, which ultimately frightened both his wife and daughter. During his first classes, he became very aware of his antagonistic shouting and, over time, was able to express himself in a non-threatening way.

He started to see real progress in his home-life.  He felt good about himself and his family experienced more harmony and less resentment.

Three of the eight behavior changing “tools” we teach made the biggest difference in Bill’s thoughts and actions when he got angry.  He developed “empathy” towards his wife and could appreciate her side of their conflicts. His “expectations” became more realistic.  He realized that his wife had her own opinions and thoughts. He stopped expecting her to feel the same as he did in situations. He also learned what his “triggers” were and to lower his “stress” level through exercise and meditation.

Bill is an impressive example of the results of anger management met with humility and a real desire to change.

All of his relationships have improved and he attributes this to his sincere involvement at Daybreak Counseling Services. As an anger management expert, this was very rewarding to me.

Daybreak Counseling Services is located in Santa Monica, California. We serve Los Angeles and surrounding cities. For more information about our anger management courses please visit www.daybreakservices.com or call 855-662-6437