It’s just a car. Confessions of an anger management teacher.
I recently had serious problems with my car. I was upset about the problem and took the car to a friend’s mechanic that I knew I could trust.
Turned out the car needed a new transmission for $1500.00. I wasn’t happy about this but there was nothing I could do about it.
When the car still wasn’t running well, I told myself it was just a car and that the mechanic was doing the best he could. The mechanic asked me why I wasn’t angry and yelling at him (as he suggested most of his customers would have done).
I told him that my getting angry at him or the situation would serve no purpose. I could tell that he appreciated my attitude.
I believe that my acceptance and kindness made him that much more determined to fix the problem
I am always uncomfortable when I see someone screaming or verbally abusing someone who isn’t meeting their needs immediately. I have seen this in restaurants, retail stores and at the DMV.
There are several of anger management “tools” that helped me handle this situation in a positive manner. First I was able to manage my “thoughts and self-talk”. I thought: “It’s just a car. You trust the mechanic and know he is invested in fixing the problem”.
Then I was empathetic because he felt so frustrated that he couldn’t find the problem. I could identify with his high stress level. I kept my “expectations” in reality. I kept my own “stress” level in control. I knew if I let my stress overcome, me I could get very angry. Even though I was stressed, worried and fearful of the cost, my behavior stayed positive and accepting.
Anger Management classes have taught me that no matter how I feel, I can always “choose” my behaviors. Getting angry at everyday situations doesn’t help anyone and often leads to unmet needs for all concerned. Practice “acceptance” (of reality) and your life will work better.
No matter the situation I can always choose my behavior. That is a freedom.
Daybreak Counseling Service provides anger mangement classes in the city of Santa Monica, California, serving the Los Angeles area.
855-NO ANGER
855-662-6437
