Anger Management and the practice of forgiveness
Forgiveness has recently been a hot topic of discussion in anger management class. Many people have questioned how forgiving can be related to anger and whether or not they have the ability to forgive another person. What I have learned is people have the wrong view of forgiveness.
Forgiveness doesn’t deny, minimize, or justify what others have done to us or the pain that we have suffered. It encourages us to look at those old wounds and see them for what they are. And it allows us to see how much energy we have wasted and how much we have damaged ourselves by not forgiving.
Forgiveness is an internal process. It can’t be forced, and it doesn’t come easy. However, it is a choice and it brings great feelings of wellness and freedom. We experience this only when we want to heal and when we are willing to work for it.
Forgiveness is a sign of positive self-esteem. We no longer identify ourselves by our past injuries and injustices. We are no longer victims. We claim the right to stop hurting when we say, “I’m tired of the pain, and I want to be healed.” At that moment, forgiveness becomes a possibility, although it may take time and much hard work before we finally achieve it.
Forgiveness is letting go of the past. It doesn’t erase what happened, but it does allow us to lessen and perhaps even eliminate the pain of the past. The pain from our past no longer dictates how we live in the present, and it no longer determines our future or controls us.
Forgiveness means no longer wanting to punish those who hurt us. It is understanding that the anger and hatred that we feel toward them hurts us far more than it hurts them. It is seeing how we hide ourselves in our anger and how those feelings prevent us from healing. It is discovering the inner peace that becomes ours when we let go of the past and forget vengeance.
Forgiveness is moving on. It is recognizing all that we have lost because of our refusal to forgive. It is realizing that the energy that we spend hanging on to the past is better spent on improving our present and our future. It is letting go of the past so that we can move on. It is not allowing what happened in the past to control our emotions.
Forgiveness is letting go of anger and not allowing anger to control us. It allows us to use anger management more effectively and gives us the ability to move on and take control over our emotions. It is done to free ourselves, not the other person.
Daybreak Counseling Service
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