The 5 Costs of Anger and The 5 stages of Loss

Anger is a human and healing emotion in that it signals when our boundaries have been violated and serves as a warning to protect ourselves. Anger is only a negative experience when it costs us something.

There are 5 costs of anger:

1) Self-esteem
2) Relationships
3) Work
4) Health
5) Children

If you have lost one or more of these things you have experienced your own anger at its worst and have endured the consequence of loss. Loss of any one of these things listed can be very traumatic and painful and as such an individual will, if not already, go through the 5 stages of loss.

The 5 stages of loss are the following:

1) Denial: In this stage an individual is in disbelief, “this can’t be happening to me?
2) Anger: During this stage a person starts blaming, wanting to fight or flee, a feeling of “why me?”
3) Bargaining: this stage often take place before the loss. It involves for example, bargaining with a spouse before they leave or with God before the loss. It happens through begging, wishing, or praying.
4) Depression: This occurs when the anger is reflected inward and the individual begins to feel an overwhelming sense of hopelessness, self-pity, lack of control and can possibly become suicidal
5) Acceptance: In this stage, the individual sees the growth from the experience of the loss, the good that may have come from the experience, the gain that was achieved as a result of the loss. This is where the final stage of healing occurs and when the individual becomes empowered as they become more self-aware on their journey of personal growth.

It is very important that when an individual goes through something painful that they take the time to honor their emotions and reflect upon not just their losses but more importantly the gains that they have made as a result of their losses. Sometimes it is ruin that leads to the upward turn to reconstruction, hope and transformation.

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