Going beyond our triggers- Your memories and it’s affect on anger management
Anger is a complex emotion. Anger can be both positive and negative. It is a positive emotion when it motivates us to protect ourselves from harm and helps us defend ourselves from outside attacks. It is a natural emotion that all humans experience, whether you are, a child, teenager or an adult. What we do with this emotion is crucial to our well being. If we act out our anger and become overly aggressive with others this becomes a negative expression of our anger and can have harmful effects on our relationships and our health. However, if we are able to channel our anger in a more appropriate, adult-like response, then we are able to communicate effectively what are feelings are and set boundaries for the things that we are willing to expect and those that are unacceptable. But how do we go about learning how to become more in control of our anger?
TRIGGERS
The first step in using anger management techniques and perhaps the most important one is to understand and know what our triggers are. What makes you angry, what makes you feel disrespected, neglected, abandoned, left out, taken for granted? All of these emotions can trigger angry feelings because anger is not just one emotion; it is a family of many emotions.
IMPLICIT MEMORY
Step two in anger management is to learn to respond to others rather than react. How do we do this? We must first develop self-awareness by practicing step one but beyond that we must learn to resolve our “implicit memories.” Implicit memories are those that have been developed in early life-infancy through adolescences. These memories are deeply rooted. The implicit memory system establishes the foundation of our character. Implicit memory is made up of unconscious emotional patters that help us relate to ourselves and others. It’s the kind of memory we access without thinking.
ANGER AND YOUR BRAIN
Our emotional center of our brain is housed in the limbic system. The limbic system is composed of many parts but the most important to us, as we learn more about anger management therapy, are the amygdala and the hippocampus. The amygdala is activated by catecholamines such as adrenaline which activates our aggression. The hippocampus is where our long term memories are stored so that these two together act to stimulate our “implicit memories.” Therefore, because of implicit memory we might feel triggered by a certain person or event and not be consciously aware, at first, that we are angry but due our limbic system our pent up emotions are acted out once again. Until we are able to heal our core wound by going back and finishing what was left incomplete in our development, we run the risk of experiencing chronic and painful problems with those we love the most as well as in our professional/working environments. Healing our core wounds is how we resolve our implicit memories associated with anger, and how we begin to see the possibility of choice in our lives.
By: Diana Bonilla, M.A.
Daybreak Counseling Service
www.daybreakservices.com
twitter.com/angryinla
www.angermanagementvideo.net
310-995-1202
