Who hasn’t played the “blame game?” We learn as children that if we are blamed for something we can say “Johnny did it” or “Mary made me do it”. We can simply cast the responsibility of our behavior onto another person. It often works and we get out of paying the consequences of our own behavior. Yes, it’s dishonest but we can learn at an early age that it works.

Unfortunately we can carry on this manipulation because of fear of reprisal. It is true that some parents enable this because their reaction to children’s mistakes is often exaggerated and unkind. This can actually encourage the blame game.

Many carry this behavior into adulthood. We have all met the person who blames, makes excuses and denies responsibility for both their words and deeds. This is a familiar dynamic in troubled relationships in the workplace and the home. Blamers are disrespected and can eventually bring about their own demise by their immature and manipulative behavior. You would be surprised at how many people are quick to say “I don’t need an anger management class. Its my wife or husband who has the problem.”

Familiar phrases:

• The traffic was so bad
• Jane forgot to tell me
• No one includes me
• If I had been better informed
• If he hadn’t opened his big mouth……
• I’m only human, just one person, not perfect
• Well – you do that too
• And on and on and on and on

What rings true in every excuse is the person’s refusal to be accountable for his own wrongdoings. It’s always the fault of someone or something else. Those who have to live or work with the “blamer” become tired of it and the result can lead to frustration, anger, mistrust or abandonment.

What blamers need to do is accept their vulnerability and understand that it is human to make mistakes. It doesn’t make one a bad person. The better choice is always to tell the truth and admit to whatever you did or said. People respond much better to this honesty and understand because they are human and make mistakes too.

This helps our relationships stay open, honest and mutually respectful.
It also helps our self-respect on our journey to maturity.

Daybreak Counseling Service
www.daybreakservices.com
www.linkedin.com/in/angryinla
www.twitter.com/angryinla
www.youtube.com/angryinla
310-995-1202

Visit www.facebook.com. Search for Daybreak Counseling Service and become a fan.

This entry was posted on Friday, August 21st, 2009 at 3:20 pm and is filed under Angry People-Stories from the world of Anger Management, Blogservations. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.