ARE YOU GIVING ME ATTITUDE?
I find that at any given moment my emotions and behaviors are directly affected by my “attitude”. And – my attitude is informed by my thoughts and how I am feeling about myself. I awaken with a good feeling and with a low stress level. I meditate which always starts my day off with a good attitude. I look forward to the day and I am at peace.
I get into my car and drive to a job that I love. So far – so good. At the last stoplight before I arrive at work a car speeds in front of me and comes to a dead stop. I nearly rear end him. Needless to say, I am no longer at peace. I am angry at the other driver. I want to beep my horn, make a gesture or get out of the car and scream at him. I decide to let it go, but my attitude has worsened.
My workday goes well until my employer asks me into his office. He tells me that my work has been substandard and that I need to do better. This affects my self- esteem and I feel ashamed and angry. I no longer feel good about myself. I am developing a worse attitude.
Then I take out my anger on my fellow workers. When they ask me to join them for lunch I sarcastically say: “Really? You want me to join you for those really healthy cheeseburgers and greasy fries? I am going to stay at my desk and eat a salad.”
I am feeling more shame and discomfort because I know I am being rude and nasty.
When I arrive home my son asks me to help him with his homework and I angrily say: “You know I am really sick of being asked for help. Try doing it on your own for a change.”
I have reached ground zero. I now feel like a big jerk and take my anger out on myself by getting depressed. How did I end the day with such a negative attitude? How could this have gone differently? I reviewed the day.
The car that cut me out at the light wasn’t out to “get me”, he was just a bad driver. I didn’t have to take it personally. When my boss reprimanded me he wasn’t trying to humiliate or hurt me. He did deserve a better performance from me. My ego was affected. I didn’t have to let this happen. My coworkers didn’t need to be the butt of my anger. Treating them the way I did made me feel ashamed of myself. When I arrived home I let out my accumulated rage on my son, which he didn’t deserve. More shame.
Had I been paying attention to my new behavior skills (which I usually do) I could have had a good day regardless of what others said or did. Had I not drifted back into “perfectionism”, I would have accepted making mistakes. Had I not allowed my boss to crush my self-esteem, I would have felt better about myself. And – had I not been too rushed to meditate (as I do every morning) I would not have been so susceptible to others “making me feel bad”. I would have kept the good feeling about myself with which I started the day and would have had the confidence and serenity to hold on to my personal power and manage my anger in a way that did not hurt me or others.
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