Anger Management – Replacing Childhood Behaviors
As anger is a difficult emotion for individuals to manage so is it in families. Our parents (whether they are aware of it or not) are behavioral models for us. We tend to act in the same way they do and often parents are unaware of the lessons they are teaching their children with their own behaviors and where do our mother and father learn their behaviors? From their parents. Unfortunately, without any help or self – analysis, parents can repeatedly model inappropriate conduct.
Many of us, when asked about where we learned how to express anger, reply: “from my parents”. I hear comments such as: “Yea, my dad would yell and scream”, my mother gave us the silent treatment” or “we weren’t allowed to show anger”. These are dysfunctional ways of expressing anger but do get passed down from generation to generation.
Fortunately, we have been educating parents along the way and refining old destructive behavior patterns.
Characteristically people don’t like change and will only consider it if the consequences of their behaviors become unacceptable to them. But being open and willing to change can positively impact our relationships.
Increasing numbers are enrolling in anger management classes to learn a new way to express their anger – one different from what they were taught as children. They are given practical “tools” to use to evaluate their behaviors and to decide whether a change would be in their best interest. Many people do work on their anger issues in therapy. While this offers insight it often doesn’t provide the “tools” to use every day for our own growth. “Adult tools” that can enhance our happiness and improve our relationships in all areas.
Most of our parents “did the best they could”, but we, as adults, can take stock and change the things in our life that are causing us problems. Managing our “anger” is one of them.
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