I had the opportunity to talk to a young man yesterday who was very concerned about how his efforts to manage his anger had not been acknowledged by his wife. After two verbal attacks in the prescene of his family he decided to enroll in individual counseling and an anger management course. Nevertheless a noticable distance remained between him and his wife and he was feeling the pain. His attempts to connect with her emotionally and physically were unsuccessful and he was on the verge of giving up.

Many clients come to an anger management class in an effort to find a way how to control their spouse. Anger Management gives no garauntee that it can heal a relationship but it does have the ability to heal the individual.

In fact many love one never change eventhough you have made dramatic strides in your attidtude. The question you must ask yourself is “Who am I changing for” You need to check your motives.

You may not have the ability to manipulate the emotions of those around you, but you do have the power to manage your anger. Do it for the right reasons. Do it for you.

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The last of human freedoms- to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances-to choose one’s own way- Victor Franco

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Spontaneity is good -contemplation far better.

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KOBE YASHI MARU – THE NO WIN SCENARIO.

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As anger is a difficult emotion for individuals to manage so is it in families. Our parents (whether they are aware of it or not) are behavioral models for us. We tend to act in the same way they do and often parents are unaware of the lessons they are teaching their children with their own behaviors and where do our mother and father learn their behaviors? From their parents. Unfortunately, without any help or self – analysis, parents can repeatedly model inappropriate conduct.

Many of us, when asked about where we learned how to express anger, reply: “from my parents”. I hear comments such as: “Yea, my dad would yell and scream”, my mother gave us the silent treatment” or “we weren’t allowed to show anger”. These are dysfunctional ways of expressing anger but do get passed down from generation to generation.

Fortunately, we have been educating parents along the way and refining old destructive behavior patterns.

Characteristically people don’t like change and will only consider it if the consequences of their behaviors become unacceptable to them. But being open and willing to change can positively impact our relationships.

Increasing numbers are enrolling in anger management classes to learn a new way to express their anger – one different from what they were taught as children. They are given practical “tools” to use to evaluate their behaviors and to decide whether a change would be in their best interest. Many people do work on their anger issues in therapy. While this offers insight it often doesn’t provide the “tools” to use every day for our own growth. “Adult tools” that can enhance our happiness and improve our relationships in all areas.

Most of our parents “did the best they could”, but we, as adults, can take stock and change the things in our life that are causing us problems. Managing our “anger” is one of them.

Daybreak Counseling Service
www.daybreakservices.com
www.linkedin.com/in/angryinla
www.twitter.com/angryinla
www.youtube.com/angryinla
310-995-1202

Visit www.facebook.com.
Search for Daybreak Counseling Service and become a fan.