The national football league fined official Jim Quick $8,150 the amount of one game check after he had inappropriate physical altercation with Green Bay Packers linebacker Nick Barnett.

The official Jim Quirk grabbed Barnett by the neck and threw him to the ground while attempting to break up a on the field fight during a Chicago Bears vs. Green Bay Packers game. The official was also involved in a similar altercation that involved Altanta Falcon’s Jason Snelling.

The event is representative of several unsportsmanlike altercations that continue to plauge the NFL and other major league sports. There was no mention if the above name official was required to take an anger management course. Although a fine may dramatically change the stability of an individuals checking account it does little to change behavior. An anger management class teaches techniques to manage anger through appropriate communication and proper stress management.

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At the brink of every New Year we make promises to ourselves and to the ones we love to change. Often we’ve made the same promises every year for the last decade and find ourselves repeating the same negative habits, hurting ourselves and the people we care about.

In some circles the number 8 is thought to represent new beginnings and 2008 is touted as the year of new beginnings.

The thought is hopeful but can people really change?

The answer is yes people can change. I can’t afford to think otherwise. Why because there is so much about me that needs improvement.

To tell you the truth anger management has never been a real problem for me. I did not say I’ve never been angry. I fall under the category of angry people who hold their emotions in and it eats them alive from the inside out. Come to think of it, I guess that is a problem but it’s not the biggest problem I face.

A dear friend of mine passed this weekend. We shared a similar struggle.

He was full of life, talented and hopeful for a new beginning. I guess he got it. He got his new beginning.

In a way I envy him. My new beginning will not come so easy. It will take work and discipline. It will take change.

Can people really change? Yes people can change. I can’t afford to think otherwise.

Dedicated to Cjon Damitri Patterson: The composer of the musical theme for Angry in L.A.

Cjon your spirit and music will live on.

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By Dr. Tony Fiore

The holidays often bring family members together who maybe haven’t seen much of each other throughout the year. Old resentments and grievances can often emerge, sometimes with strained or even disasterous consequences. Many families find themselves time-stressed with holday preparations and activities which lower coping ability even further.

The following five tips have been found useful to help you deal with that inevitable holdiay stress:

1. Watch carefully the amount of alcohol you consume. Many anger management students confess that excessive drinking definitely contributed to family conflict and aggression.

2.Reduce stress by managing your time carefully and not over-scheduling yourself. Take time for yourself.

3. Adjust your expectations of family members. No, Aunt Irene hasn’t changed since last year. Tell yourself that you only have to see her once a year- you can cope with it.

4. Work on forgiveness skills. Let old resentments go. Holding grudges hurts you more than your relatives.

5. Develop better empathy skills. Try to see the world from the viewpoint of irritating family members and you may be shocked at how your anger dissipates.

For more tips on how to deal with angry feelings or the angry behavior of others, visit The Anger Coach Website.

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Stress is a key trigger to outburst of anger and agression.

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Anger and aggression has a direct link to perceived and actual stress. When under stress an individual lacks the resources to manage powerful emotions such as anger. In an effort to manage anger, an anger management course should define stress and assist clients in finding ways to manage it.

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Uncontrolled anger can become a major barrier to a harmonious life. It can cause major damage in our personal, social and professional lives. The ways we handle anger and stress are learned responses. In other words, our reactions to difficult and stressful situations are largely based on how we observed our caregivers or other important people in our lives handle difficult and stressful situations. For example, if we had a mother that became verbally aggressive because she was stressed out, we may tend to do the same thing. What if we consistently saw our parents allow minor problems cause them major stress? Odds are we will grow up doing the same thing. Growing up around people that used fighting as a way to solve conflicts with other people could have taught us that we should use violence to solve our disputes instead of talking things out to find mutual resolutions.

The good news about maladaptive behaviors/reactions such as uncontrolled anger is that they can be readjusted into coping strategies that are more effective. There are several steps that you can take in order to get your anger under control. The first step is to identify what your anger triggers are. Anger triggers are those situations that frequently lead to you becoming mad.

The following exercise will help you identify your triggers and is a simple yet effective way to begin getting on the right track with managing anger. It can easily be adapted for identifying other emotions such as stress and anxiety among others.

Identifying Anger Triggers

1. Think back to the last time you became really angry. What happened?

2. Were there other emotions that came right before you became angry? Anger is a secondary emotion so you probably felt something else first such as embarrassment, betrayal, and shame, ect. See if you can identify what emotion came before your anger.

3. In the past 6 months how many times has a similar situation presented itself with similar results?

4. Think of other times when you have “lost it” and make a list of what happened in those situations that cause you to become so upset.

5. See if you can identify some commonalities among these situations.

The final list is a list of anger triggers. Once you have this list you should have more insight into what situations typically lead to you losing control on your emotions. Now that you have this list you can move forward with doing more work to get your anger under control. More to come.

Tanya James, M.Ed., CAMF
Anger Management of Metro-Atlanta, LLC

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1. Consider changing your behavior that triggers their anger.
Sometimes the most practical thing to do is to change whatever it is that triggers anger in people close to you. Not that you should go overboard on this, but simple changes can do a lot, especially if they don’t lower your self-esteem or don’t “cost” you a lot to change.

2. Think about terminating the relationship
Truth is, some relationships we get involved in are so “toxic” that it is self-abusive to continue in them or to try and repair them. At times, you need to protect yourself from people in your life who create an atmosphere that is not good for your well-being.

3. Limit your time spent with them
If terminating the relationship is too drastic of a step, consider simply limiting the time you spend with toxic people in your life. Decide you can put up with the person several times a year at the family Christmas party, for instance, or that you will be tolerant toward your angry ex-spouse once a week for the sake of your children.

4. Ask them directly why they are often appear angry toward you
A straight line is the shortest distance between two points. Sometimes the quickest way to find out why someone appears constantly angry with you is to simply ask them. They may not even realize they were communicating angrily toward you, so your inquiry may open up a great opportunity for dialogue.

5. Communicate clearly how their negativity affects you
Honestly letting people know how their behavior is affecting you emotionally is often an “eye-opener” to the other person. Start with “I feel” statements rather than “you” or “you should” statements.

6. Adjust your expectations of them
People may be chronically angry toward you because you communicate that they are disappointing you in some way and they are perceiving you as overly critical. Adjusting those expectations you have toward others may result in their being less angry toward you!

7. Stop trying to solve unsolvable problems in a relationship
According to some marital researchers, up to 60% of issues in a relationship are unsolvable due to the couple’s being “gridlocked” around it. Trying to solve unsolvable problems creates much anger. Instead, find a way to dialogue about the issues and live with each other around them, rather than trying to fix them.

Ari Novick, Ph.D.
Founder, AJ Novick Group- Anger Management

Daybreak Counseling Service
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Daybreak Counseling Service provides anger management classes and one one one anger management coaching for those struggling with stress and rage. The following video features Tracy James an anger coach sent by Daybreak Counseling Service to provide anger management for a resident on the My Network TV show Decision House.

Daybreak Counseling Service
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http://www.linkedin.com/in/angryinla
http://myspace.com/angermanagementeacher
310-995-1202