Never strike your wife – even with a flower. ~Hindu Proverb
The victims of anger, rage and aggression can suffer from the stings of verbal assaults or from the lingering trauma of sexual abuse. Many victims pay the price with their lives. Such is true with victims of domestic violence. Crimes of domestic violence remain frequent. Probation offices throughout the nation have devoted complete units to handle the heavy domestic violence caseloads. Law enforcement officers find domestic violence calls their most unpredictable and dangerous.
As previously stated, anger is a very selfish emotion. The aggressor rarely takes time to think about how their actions affect others. That is why it is now common for many courts to allow victim impact statements. A victim impact statement is an open letter to the court from a victim describing the physical, financial and emotional pain caused by an aggressor. Stories of abuse often ring louder when voiced in the victim’s own words. The following narratives from the website Healthy Place –Domestic Abuse/Domestic Violence Stories describe the destruction anger has caused from the lips of the victim.
I am twenty-nine years old and was married to an abuser for seven years. The abuse started while we were dating and carried over into our marriage. I was broken down emotionally by him and my self esteem was so low that I allowed him to ridicule me, beat me, rape me and he even brought me to the point of anorexia through all of his mental abuse. I weighed 148 when we got married and by the time I left him I weighed barely 100 lbs. He would make up songs about my weight, “fattie-fattie-boom-ba-laddie” was one of them and he would encourage my son to join in and sing with him. It was a nightmare!!! The final straw for me was when he and I had been in our bedroom fighting for over an hour when I looked over my shoulder and saw my seven year old son huddled over in a fetal position up against our bedroom wall, he had heard everything and was pale as a ghost. It was at that time that I realized I had to get the hell out, if not for myself for at least my son.
Anel
My boyfriend didn’t start abusing me until eight months into the relationship. Funny thing was, after he choked me, busted my lip (twice), punched me in the ribs, gave me multiple bruising, threw me across the room, picked me up by my throat and slammed me into the ground, pinning me down with his knee so I couldn’t breathe, putting me to sleep with pressure points… He was never sorry or remorseful and seemed to forget that he did it, and I always ended up being the bad guy. The psychotic small girl 
After all those times the thing that really made me angry was how he was damaging my body, how ugly I looked with bruises, how I was sick of being around somebody who was constantly angry, about nothing. He once threw my phone in the air and chopped it with a samurai sword when he thought I was text messaging someone on the phone. He nearly broke my toe to make me hand the phone over. I realize now I used to have a sick addiction to having an over protective boyfriend, because I thought it reflected how much they cared about me. He was cheating on me, so I found out afterwards. I realized that I was too weak just to leave.
Justine
My husband and I have been married 13 years. I am 5′3 and 110 pounds. He is 6′2 and 220 pounds. We have four beautiful children and he beats me. He was arrested in 2003 for beating me almost to death. I was in the ICU for 1 month and then remained in the hospital for another 2 months. I had a broken jaw, 6 fractured ribs, a ruptured spleen (which had to be removed) a collapsed lung, over 50 sutures in my head and face. He punched me until I was to the floor and then kicked me till my ribs broke, lung punctured, spleen ruptured and until I was unconscious. He was arrested but 5 months later released on $3,0 000 bail. He was ordered to attend a court ordered program and he did attend. He has been living back at home for a year now and he is starting to punch me in face, arms and back again. He seems to have changed in some areas but in others he hasn’t. I don’t want him to be arrested again because I do love him but I’m afraid that someone else will tell and have him arrested. People at work see me beaten up very often and have questioned me. I just say, “I’m clumsy”. Just so everyone knows, it does happen to all people. I am a medical doctor and my husband is a police officer.
Domestic Violence is a crime that spans every race, culture and socio-economic status. It is hard to believe someone could abuse an individual they say they love and live with everyday. It is harder to understand how an individual can stay around for the abuse year after year. No one stays in a relationship that is not beneficial to them. You may ask, “How can a day in and day out brutal beating benefit anybody?” Well, when someone feels worthless, they seek out another party to treat them as if they were worthless. It is the only way they can validate their own sense of low self-esteem. Strangely enough, many women who come out of violent relationships find themselves with another partner who abuses them. Why? Because they never changed how they felt about themselves. Many courts now order domestic violence victims to attend victim classes to teach them self- worth, independence and boundaries in relationships.
It is always important to remember that we have choices. We are not destined to stay in jobs or relationships that make us angry. Some of the choices are often difficult. We may love the very thing that is killing us, but as Tina Turner sang, “What does love got to do with it?” If you are a victim of domestic violence or even a perpetrator get help now! You can go to my website www.daybreakservices.com to find resources for abusers and victims of domestic violence.
. We have two boys now. We were hoping for a little girl but I am not a gambler and will not be rolling the dice one more time..
