Anger Management Tip- Being right or being Happy

There are people who use the words “right” and “wrong” a lot. It’s as if they were keeping some kind of score. Many have to be “right” all the time and at any cost. The cost may be their serenity, their job, their relationship or their freedom. Most people would choose being happy over being right, but some demand always being in the right.

We all know people like this and often find them abrasive and very difficult to get along with. Having to “win” all the time can be a symptom of “insecurity”. It also leads to anger management issues. It alienates the very people with whom we want to be happy.

I do not use the words “right” or “wrong or “good” or “bad”. What is the measure we use for these judgments? Is there a universal scale of what is morally or practically Good? Bad? “Right” “Wrong”?? No – there isn’t!

The laws of our land can be considered bounds of general behavior in terms of legality. However each one of us is accorded to measure their actions or thoughts according to their personal values and these are as different as there are people.

What is “good” for you may not be for me. My attitude and behaviors are chosen by me based on my own moral map. There are many who decide that their opinions and actions are“ right” and those who don’t agree with them are “wrong”. This leads to conflict in relationships as well as negative perceptions from others. I personally would rather be happy than right all the time. I understand that each of us have the privilege and responsibility of creating our own moral code which is not up for judgment from others. If more people appreciated this, there would be far less reasons to take an anger management class. Our relationships would be characterized by less contention and more peace. There would be less “judgment” and more “acceptance”.

Sound healthy relationships are built on mutual trust, acceptance and compromise.
Our life view is the result of our personal experiences. We all see things differently so by definition we all have our individual and personal viewpoint. Winning isn’t about always being right, it is about being the most effective we can be in our relationships so that we can help foster harmony and love.

Susan Levy M.A.
Daybreak Counseling Service
www.daybreakservices.com
310-995-1202