Anger Management Class Tips- Real Life Expectations
One of the skills taught in Daybreak anger management classes is to keep our expectations realistic. When our expectations are not based in reality, we set ourselves up for disappointment and anger.
If we expect that life will always be easy or that people will always do what we want them to, we are not gounded in reality. One example is getting married and expecting your partner to fulfill all your needs. When they can’t it can lead to anger, resentment or damage to the marriage. The truth is that no one person can meet all your needs and to expect this is a set up for negative feelings.
Another example relates to road rage. If we expect to arrive at our destination smoothly and without challenges along the way, we are going to be very upset when the reality of traffic and unexpected events impact our trip. This is what usually leads to “road rage” – a prevalent and dangerous reality.
Our expectations of ourselves need to be grounded in reality as well. If they are idealized we can damage our self-esteem and confidence. “Perfectionism” is a dangerous game leading to constant disillusionment with ourselves.
Expectations are particularly important when dealing with children. Many of us expect children to do exactly what we want them to do, disregarding age appropriate behaviors. Remembering what it was like to be a child can help. Learning how children think and what is important to them can afford us the understanding that they are not doing anything “to us”, they are simply being children. Judging them with our adult standards is unfair and can lead to unnecessary strife and anger.
It takes maturity and humility to understand that not everything will meet our expectations. We always need to evaluate if what we anticipate conforms to the actuality of “what is”.
If we can lower our expectations from “demands” to “preferences”, we will reduce the level of our response when they are not met. We might be disappointed or perturbed, but we will not be furious or vindictive.
Daybreak Counseling Service
19831 Yorba Linda Blvd. #D
Yorba Linda, CA 92866
www.daybreakservices.com
twitter.com/angryinla
310-995-1202
855-662-6437
855-NO ANGER
