Anger Management and the art of forgiveness

Forgiveness can be difficult for many people. It is often misunderstood. When the topic comes up as part of Daybreak’s class curriculum, many clients get uncomfortable. They usually say that there are past offenses for which they can never forgive. They don’t realize that the act of forgiving is for them; to prevent the toxicity of resentments so that long held anger can no longer negatively impact their lives. Long held anger can cause health issues, problems in relationships and can contaminate the ability to be truly happy. Resentments can hamper our efforts towards personal growth as well as cause depression or bitterness.

Many clients say that they can’t forgive because they feel they are “being a chump” or that they are implying that it is OK what the other person said or did. They feel they are allowing someone who hurt them “off the hook”. But by not forgiving we are punishing ourselves, not the perceived offender. We keep the resentment alive and growing by giving another “rent free space” in our heads. In reality, when we forgive we are freeing ourselves. Moreover we are no longer allowing the words or behaviors of another person to hold us hostage.

The tools of anger management give us the capacity to forgive. The tool of “empathy” is most important. Do we consider the feelings of others? Do we pause and consider where they are coming from? Do we keep in mind that others have their own fears and problems, which might be causing them to choose unwise behavior?

Ultimately we are all human. We make mistakes or sometimes exhibit poor judgment. We are just as likely to be the “offender” sometimes. We hope that we are forgiven when we purposely or unconsciously hurt another.

Let us remember that when we are resistant to forgiving another. Keeping “resentment free” is a crucial ingredient in maintaining a fulfilling and peaceful life.

Daybreak Counseling Service
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