Anger Management and Sibling Rivalry
“Who would have thought it would be so hard to please a 9 year old and a 5 year old at the same time.”
I immediately related to the statement a Facebook friend of mine posted recently. On most days my two boys are pleasently engaged in freindly imaginary battle of Ben 10 Aliens but on occassion their skirmish can become personal.
Its perfectly normal
There is nothing new about fighting brothers and sisters. You can trace it back all the way to Cain and Able. In fact sibling rivalry although irritating is extremely common. Knowing how natural it is can help you prevent over reacting.
Rules of Engagement
Although fighting with your siblings is a natural part of growing up parents should set up rules of engagement. Remind your children that although we may not always agree with each other, we will always treat each other with respect. This means no name calling and absolutely no hitting.
Express your feelings
As adults we have a tendency to minimize the feeling of our children. We need to understand that their pain and frustration is real. A core piece in teaching anger management for children is teaching them to find words and ways to express how they feel. Introducing a “feeling vocabulary” is critical for growth. Help them understand how to express feelings like sadness, loneliness, jealousy, frustration and anger. Older children can journal their emotions while younger children can express themselves through playing with dolls or action figures.
Accentuate the positive
Catch your kids doing good. When you see them playing together in peace make sure you praise them. “Mommy loves to see her two favorite men having fun together.” Reward them. “How about some ice cream?” Studies show that behavior change takes 5 positive rewards to every negative consequence.
Practice what you preach
My mother often told me, “I hope you get children just like yourself.” I’m not sure if she was offering a blessing or a curse. The fact is your children will mimic your actions. How do you handle conflict with your husband or wife? How do you interact with the telemarketer? Better yet how do you get along with your own siblings? These questions will help you empathize with your children and help you develop ways to teach them better relational skills.
Abscence makes the heart grow fonder
If you can’t seem to get your children to “all get along” no matter what you try, try imposing a quaruntine day. Refuse to let them play together, eat together, talk to each other all day. After a while they will be dying to spend some quality time.
Daybreak Counseling Service
19831 Yorba Linda Blvd. Suite D
Yorba Linda, CA 92866
310-995-1202
855-662-6437
www.daybreakservices.com
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