Anger Management and how to avoid Toxic People

In an anger management class it is very important to address what it means to be a toxic person. To be a toxic individual means to be self-destructive, harmful to others, and very un-self aware. Usually you may find toxic people to be very draining, and taking more from the relationship than contributing in a positive way. Most of the time you may find yourself feeling very frustrated with these individuals since they tend to be energy vampires rather than enriching, and may also be very manipulative. It is imperative to make sure that we are not acting as toxic people do. The more you work on yourself and use anger management techniques to control your emotions and feelings the less you will be toxic to yourself and others. Whenever possible it is best to avoid toxic people. We must remember that we cannot change anyone. We can only change ourselves. It is not up to us to help someone become less toxic; they must be willing to help themselves. However, there are those times in life when we just simply cannot avoid them so in order to effectively deal with toxic people we must be able to do the following:

• Set Boundaries: When you set firm boundaries with them and refuse to bail them out of trouble or listen to them complain you are setting a boundary in which you are choosing to not engage in this type of behavior with them. Strong boundary protection is one of the hallmarks of being able to self-parent our selves and although we may not have had good examples of how to set firm boundaries with others we can start today. Setting our boundaries defines how we see ourselves and what we are willing or not willing to do.

• Resist feeling guilty when saying, “No”: Remember a toxic person manipulates and as part of their manipulation game comes the guilt trip. If you are successful at setting strong boundaries, and standing your ground you will not need to defend yourself nor feel guilty for saying no. Their guilty trip is yet another ploy to try to get you to change your mind and give in to their desires. If you resist your guilt you will resist being manipulated.

• Do not defend yourself: Once again, after you set your boundaries a toxic person may accuse you of being one thing or another. Do not engage in this type of defensive dialogue because it will only resort to immature banter that will get you nowhere. Once you have stated where you stand, stick to that and if need be keep repeating yourself like a broken record until they get the picture. Remember to validate yourself in establishing your boundaries and realize that you have every right to set the boundaries you wish and those must be respected by others.

By: Diana Bonilla, M.A. is an anger management instructor at Daybreak Counseling Service. Daybreak Counseling Service provide anger management courses for indviduals, couples and corporations. For more information call 855 NO ANGER or 855-662-6437

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