Anger! It’s all in your head.
In anger management classes it is very important to be able to stop ourselves when we find ourselves ruminating over an anger episode. Ruminating means to play over and over and over again in our minds what transpired while berating ourselves for not handling it better or perpetuating the angry feelings we are still harboring towards others.
Kassinove & Tafrate (2002) developed the anger episode model after conducting research that observed individuals responding to anger in real-life situations. The model has five main components, each interlinked with the next:
1.Triggers, 2.Appraisal, 3.Internal Experience, 4.Expressive Pattern, 5.Outcome.
Focusing the appraisals of our trigger helps us to re-appraise how we feel and or see what is truly taking place. Often times we over appraise a situation but if we take the time to think about the situation objectively we may find that we are over-reacting to a situation that could be handled with less intensity. Reappraising the trigger is exactly changing the conversation with ourselves. We may start by asking ourselves the following:
• Are we awfulizing the situation? Is this really the worst thing that could happen?
• Do we have low frustration tolerance: Perhaps we are tired or hungry and our ability to cope was not as effective as it could have been
• Are we being to demanding? Sometimes we may be asking for too much, we must try to adjust our expectations and meet someone at their level
• Are we distorting the situation? Are we seeing this clearly, perhaps we are too caught up in our emotions to see this from a rational perspective?
• Are we seeking revenge instead of trying to find a shared interest in which to build a bridge towards conflict resolution?
If we can change the conversation with ourselves we can change the way we feel about the situation and ourselves.
Diana Bonilla, M.A. teaches anger management for Daybreak Counseling Service.
www.daybreakservices.com
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